


Loveflaps and Love Enchiladas

by SatansSin



Category: Thor - Fandom
Genre: Intersex Loki, M/M, PWP, Porn, be prepared, for nether regions, lots of synonyms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-18 15:15:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9390560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansSin/pseuds/SatansSin
Summary: When you decide to think of every synonym available for someone's private parts then add Thor and Loki to it.I apologize, but I needed a little fun in my life.Inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love Flap Limericks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14755058) by [writernotwaiting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writernotwaiting/pseuds/writernotwaiting). 



The moment Loki saw Thor, he knew that the man was lusting for him.  
  
The way his golden skin glistened, the way he was staring at him with those blue orbs, Loki felt like he was being undressed slowly, deliberately, with those eyes watching every inch of skin Thor exposed, ready for his marking.  
  
The water he was holding in his hand seemed to heat over as his quivering Jotun skin responded to the love waves Thor's sent towards him.  
  
They were like the signals an antenna sent to the television sets in Midgard, the bad signals filled with porn and porn puffed moans of the wenches that acted in it.  
  
Like a wrecking ball Thor tore across the room and strode to Loki, holding his face in his warrior killing hands and kissing him hard.  
  
His mouth, which was often used for ordering the murder of his enemies, was a weapon now, a weapon of passion. His lips were now the spewers of loving sentiments, not hard battle spewers.  
  
The glass in Loki's hand fell to the floor and the water spread on the floor like Loki's upcoming orgasm. It was chaotic.  
  
His blue hands fixed into Thor's head, holding on like a brace just before brain surgery, locking on and not letting go even if Thor thrashed. He was like a baby monkey now, holding into his golden hair like it held on to its mother.  
  
The baby monkey, not the hair.  
  
Thor was feeling his passion flames rise like the steam of freshly cooked stew. Spicy, filled meat and the promise of a good meal.  
  
His man hands slid up and down Loki's body and he picked him up and deposited him on the counter, ripping his silky skirt off like a waxing strip.  
  
The sound was loud and Loki moaned when he saw he was naked as a newly born child. There was no blood on him, he wasn't that new born, more along the lines of a new born cleaned and bathed by the underpaid nurses.  
  
When Thor touched his man vagina, he moaned loudly.  
  
"Yes..." he hissed, his voice shaking like a rattle snake's warning "Thor...my Aesir vibrator, put it in me now!"  
  
Thor moaned at the way his nails dug into his muscles back, digging into him like a Kuala that was trying to climb a tree.  
  
"Loki..." he cried "My man stick needs you..."  
  
"Aye..."  
  
Loki spread his legs and Thor looked down, his crotch rocket filling up with the Thor fuel.  
  
The sight of his throbbing ecstasy south mouth was making Thor's wacker grow harder.  
  
"Loki..." he moaned "I am trembling like a shitting dog...let my plunge my cunt plunger into your fuck gutter"  
  
"Yes!" Loki cried "My love enchilada is weeping like a vibrating midget sits inside. Put your sperm dagger in my passion flaps, please..."  
  
Thor groaned in pleasure and reached down faster than a Kingfisher, to pull out his long-dong. It was hard and leaking his cock custard so he rammed it into Loki's vertical smile and heard him moan loudly.  
  
"Thor....!" Loki cried loudly.  
  
Thor had gone into him faster than a greased weasel!  
  
It sent shudders of pleasure into his body and he clenched around him like a hawk holding the first fish of the day.  
  
With his pink tractor jammed into his throbbing barn, Loki felt complete. He wrapped his long noodle legs around Thor's waist and pulled him forward.  
  
"Hurry..." Loki cried "I'm going to come faster than the speed of light!"  
  
That drove Thor on and he pounded into him his Thor stick going harder and faster into his sperm socket.  
  
It was wild, insane, and he thought he wouldn't last for long, so he cherished it all.  
  
The way Thor's silk flute pushed in and out of him, it reminded him of the romantic passion of the old days, when man and woman had sex on the bottoms of caves.  
  
And speaking of caves, his love cave could feel his man marbles touch the ring piece he was embedded in till his hilt.  
  
"Thor..." he moaned loudly "Please make me release through my orgasm orifice!"  
  
"You will..."  
  
Thor them pounded harder into him, making Loki cry out with each long, measured push of his skeleton key into Loki's love-lock.  
  
It opened him, pleasured him, made him cry and thrash, breaking things like a clumsy thief entering a china shop.  
  
"I'm coming...!" he cried, his  beef curtains clenching and clenching, the lava of his release coming closer and closer to him.  
  
He was going to burst!  
  
The loud cry he gave when he came, bounced off the walls of the room, and Thor's own lion shriek rose with it.  
  
Everything went white, like a virgin's bridal gown, and he went limp in Thor's arms, letting his battery operated vibrating sausage slowly pull out of him.  
  
They were panting like hungry hungry hippos after a meal and Thor looked at him, smiling.  
  
"You look sensational" he purred "I want to do it again"  
  
Loki smiled at him like the vertical smile that was fluttering down below.  
  
"Then what are you waiting for, man lover?" he asked  
  
Loki laughed as Thor picked him up and carried him to the bedroom to plunder once again.  
  


	2. Birthday Sex and Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please don't judge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday ravenbringslight. You deserve better than this <3 <3
> 
> Edit. The great Sybil_Silverphoenix came up with the A in 'Thor’s D hid in Loki's A" and fixed this for me. You are a doll

Their apartment door burst open, starling Loki as he made Thor his birthday cake. Cream splattered everywhere, on the counter, the floor, around his feet and when he looked up to where Thor entered their kitchen, he knew this was the beginning of the splattering for him.

Thor was hunting and Loki his deer, the one he had caught in his headlight – his erotic headlights, the ones fixed into his skull. They were his eyes, not real headlights, and they were focused on Loki, who looked right back at Thor.

Green clashed with blue and if it was possible, there would be strange eye sex happening between them now. But physics and biology didn’t allow it, so Thor and Loki did the one thing it did allow.

Loki tossed his cream tool aside and Thor’s cream tool slowly erected as he imagined the things he would do to Loki.

They met in the middle of the kitchen, kissing and clinging, holding each other like the Motu held Godzilla in the new Godzilla movie. The movie was crap, this was exciting and it did feel like they were fighting through buildings and destroying a massive city.

Thor pinned Loki against the kitchen door, slamming it shut and shaking their walls. Loki’s arms and legs wrapped around Thor and he latched on like a sloth to a tree.

“Thor…” Loki moaned “Yes, please…”

Thor bit down his long neck, kissing and licking his pale, beautiful skin “Moan for me, baby, moan like I’m playing your clitar”

The filthy words spiked Loki’s arousal and he felt his vibration station clench in anticipation.

“Oh,” Loki cried “Your cervix cigar is desperate for me”

“No,” Thor growled “For you it’s an anus guitar, play me, baby…”

Loki hissed as Thor squeezed his globes, not real globes, it is a less obvious word for buttcheeks, and Loki slipped his hand lower.

Thor nipped his earlobe as Loki unzipped his trousers, sliding his hand into it like he was slowly putting the stuffing in the tiny opening of a thanksgiving turkey.

“Yes…” Thor tipped his head back when he felt Loki squeeze him “Like a lemon, baby, go on”

He was already hard, his mancake batter was started to glisten on Loki’s hand like plain white icing. It spurred Loki on and he began to twirl his spritzing staff between his fingers and play him like a harp.

“Ah!” Thor gasped “Tune me, baby, tune me like a piano”

Loki felt Thor’s teeth sink into his skin like the Titanic, he knew it was coming but the sting and surprise was still there.

“Yes…” Loki whispered, enjoying the kisses as he touched Thor’s veiny butt prodder “I like it, make me sing”

“Like Lana or Adele?” Thor gasped

“Both, together” Loki breathed “Make me quake like a wrestler in a tumble dryer”

Thor took it as a challenge and held Loki up, wrapping his legs a little tighter around his waist.

“Take those pants off” Thor growled against Loki’s jaw.

Loki was quick to obey. They let each other go enough to push their pants off and have the best shirts on sex they could.

Loki was pressed to the door again and his legs went around Thor and his Loki pokey stick was ready for action.

“Your manjo banjo wants me” Thor smiled, kissing Loki “I should listen to it”

“Break me like that bathroom door in The Shining” Loki told him

It made Thor growl and he kissed him harder, pushing his own nine iron erection against Loki’s open golfbag. Thor gasped when he felt the leaky love lube Loki had already applied and he looked at him, his eyes big.

“You prepared?”

“Yes, it’s your birthday, I am open for you, now even Gandalf won’t stop you, baby” Loki kissed his lips

Thor’s, not his own.

It was the most beautiful thing Thor ever felt, like helium filling up a balloon, taking it up, up, up.

“Oh, you are the best, I love you” his hold turned sweeter and he felt Loki take a deep breath to prepare himself “I saw this on TV, this will be fine, I have a vertical facing penis, wall sex is possible”

“That’s all I wanted to hear” Loki smiled.

Thor entered him slowly, as though he was driving stick for the first time. Loki parted for him like a carefully pulled apart chicken wing, his thighs tightened around his ribs like a Sauna Belt and Loki panted softly in pleasure.

“You feel so good” Thor groaned, trembling like he was at a Pink Floyd concert “It’s like putting my finger in butter”

“Your poetry is magic” Loki keened, clenching around him “Tell me more”

“Feel my Ocean’s Eleven inches inside you” Thor crooned “There is a sequel waiting, too”

“Yes…” Loki listened to his magic words, his desire pumping through him like the free pump you get when ordering an air mattress online “Yes, Thor…”

Thor began to thrust, moving his piston peen inside Loki over and over, making him jolt and cry and moan.

“You sound so beautiful, my darling” Thor panted “But I’m shaking like an over used car battery”

“I know” Loki cooed “I can feel your Scroto Baggins shake too, you’re so brave, hold on”

Thor grit his teeth and pounded Loki, kissing and licking his skin, biting down his neck. He tasted so good, he was like the foot-long you get by accident when you order a six inch at Subway. He was fresh and good for him, too.

They went on for ten minutes and Loki was red, and like most drivers, Thor sped up at seeing the color.

“I’m close” Loki panted “Oh, darling, keep going”

“I will, Thor promised “Like the fourteen movies Michael Bay has planned for Transformers”

“Oh, that’s what I wanted from you, yes…” Loki keened.

Once more they moved together, giving Thor’s birthday cake a good look at their bouncing buttocks and their erotic version of hide and seek. Thor’s D hid in Loki's A over and over, the cake could hardly seek.

“Yes, oh _yes_ …” Loki moaned, loudly, purring Thor on.

The blonde kissed Loki one last time and Loki’s back arched like the best rollercoaster at an amusement park before he crème ala creamed all over Thor.

It was like Loki predicted – everywhere. It was the workload of a month done in a week and Thor was proud.

He had a few thrusts left and like Vin Diesel suddenly turning bad, he was at the end of his thrusting.

Loki gasped as he came inside him like a good perfume spray, heating him up and spilling his Thor’s Special Mayonnaise on the floor, too.

It would be a mess to clean, but as they came down from their sex high, the two of them smiled at one another.

“Happy Birthday, Thor” Loki kissed him

Birthday sex was over now and as they cleaned themselves up later that night, Loki realized that in getting Thor’s batter, they had forgotten the cake.

Ah well, he thought, there was always tomorrow.


	3. Club Coitus

The air in the club was thick with music, bodies, dancing, drink and sex. Raised blood pressures and low morals made up the sweet, fun, promising atmosphere and that was all Thor was looking for.

The blonde was huge, his arms bulging and he saw more than one girl look at him, no doubt in lust for his man donger. It called to them like the satellite antennae sending out sex signals to other satellites so they could converge into one big satellite orgy and cause havoc in the world.

Thor wanted that, he wanted the chaos that came with unleashing his beef jerky. He had seen many women and men clench around his schlong and beg for more. And he loved it, he loved the beautiful pain he brought to their writhing bodies, he loved launching their spirits into the stars as they rode his pleasure rocket.

He loved the feel of their nails as they raked down his back and the way his erection hose poured his love tadpoles into their sex swamp.

He looked forward to it on a daily basis, trying to get laid at least once a day was his goal. Except on holidays and special occasions, then just once was alright.

His blue eyes scanned the club, crystal clear and reminiscent of the ocean. Only there were no fish in his eyes, because that would be a turn off for sure.

Thor’s heart rate jumped in time with the music, his body anticipated the sight of his latest prey. Whoever it was, was close Thor could sense their presence affect his juicy poker. It was getting warmer, Thor wouldn’t be surprised if he saw the tip light up and lead him to victory like Rudolph did once a year.

Today, his Rudolph would come through for him.

He took a few more steps when he saw him and Rudolph the red nosed prong heated up instantly guiding his sperm Santa to where he should leave presents.

Or, in Thor’s case, long hours of sex.

The man was beautiful he could have been carved out of heaven itself. Pale skin, eyes of green and hair of black, lips as red as the rose, Maleficent would say.

Thor agreed with her and walked towards him with single minded purpose. He was drinking out of an elegant glass and smiled at Thor when he saw him.

“Took you long enough” he purred “I almost left”

“Well you were not left, you were right, there was no way I couldn’t come to you after seeing you” Thor sat opposite and stole his glass, tossing his drink back with all the arrogance of the hero of a stupid romance novel “My place or yours?”

The man opposite him grinned “How about right here, tiger?”

He gestured to a dark corner of the club and Thor’s tryst torch knew to light it up for him when he got there.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” Thor asked as they hurried forth.

“Loki” the man gasped “Yours?”

“I’ll tell you when you beg me to let you come, baby”

There was urgency in their steps and Loki was soon pressed against the wall, Thor biting and nibbling his neck.    

“Oh, you taste like …” Thor panted against his skin “Like …”

“Valhalla …?” Loki gasped

“Nay, a human” Thor said “A beautiful man I can pound with my gladiator staff”

Loki gasped “You’re filthy, keep talking”

Thor groaned and grinded against him while Loki stretched and gasped. He looked beautiful, he reminded Thor of the time he set the  garden hose on full blast and let it drop, writhing and wiggling with a flexibility unparalleled.

It was beautiful.

“You’re like magic, wrapped up in a Justin Bieber song” Thor complimented

Loki moaned loudly “Yes…even though I hate him”

“Phil Collins?” Thor asked as he undid Loki’s trousers

“That’s better…” Loki hissed

His hands went to Thor’s shoulders and he let out a whimper when he felt Thor free his basher baguette and prod his rapture ditch.

“Oh, your jiggle javelin is so hard” Loki whined “I can’t wait for it to plunge into my passion pothole”

“Neither can I” Thor said

He was slick within moments because of the convenient lubricated condom Thor always had with him, then stretched around Thor as he pushed into him.

“Oh…” carped “Yes…”

Thor beefed as he too felt Loki clench around him, squeezing him like a fresh juicer.

“My cherishing carrot…!” Thor gasped “Yes, you took it like a rabbit…”

Loki keened in pleasure and Thor started to transfix his bench press boulder into his body. It was so hot and hard, Loki felt so covefefe.

“Oh…” he gasped “Yes…”

He held Thor tighter as they moved as one, spearheading their sex movements.

Loki was plundered against the wall and his arousal started to build as he rode Thor’s rice rocket.

“It feels too good…” Loki whimpered “So good”

“Tell me how good” Thor panted, biting his neck as he plunged and prodded, pounded and rammed, banged and jammed Loki against the wall.

“I see skies of blue….” Loki told him “I feel like my orgasm storage is about to open”

“Let it, Loki,” Thor pleaded “My fuck funnel is filling up, too”

Loki sobbed with every movement of Thor’s hips, the way his passion pipe went deep inside him. He clenched around Thor’s love lum and he sobbed.

“Please…” he begged “Tell me your name… I need to release like a flock of geese after their dinner”

Thor groaned at the words and kept up his vibrathoring.

“Thor” he panted “My name is Thor”

Loki finally knew and he sobbed as he took a few more hits from Thor’s prostrate pole, spraying himself and Thor with his flute fluid.

The feeling made Thor groan because he realized Loki was beautiful – and that he would probably pay for his dry cleaning, too.

He held Loki tighter and pulled closer to him, ramming his rail rod vertical passion pillar deeper into Loki just a few more times.

Beautiful, gorgeous, that was what Thor was. Loki loved the way his tendons stood out when he came or the way he whispered Loki’s name.

Thor was shivering after and Loki held him tightly as his palisade support slowly softened enough for him to take it out.

Loki was whispering beautiful words to him and kept kissing his head.

Thor loved the feeling and took a few minutes to put his stanchion back where it belonged. Loki pulled his pants up, too, his globes of destiny vanishing in those tight trousers.

They looked at one another and smiled.

“My place or yours?” Loki asked

And just like that, Thor’s truncheon filled with passion and his scrotum tadpoles got ready to swim again.


	4. One Night Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to everyone

There had been something about that night, really, something that spoke to him at a level he didn’t even know he had. It was Level Sex and it talked in Dick language, pointing his pestle towards the mortar it would soon be grinding in, his blue eyes locked onto his prey and his breath caught in his throat like the winning catch of a minor league baseball game.

It was beautiful, he looked at those magnificently rounded globes and knew that the depravity gravity within was aching for his hardened fudge nugget. His skeleton King was going to get boned tonight and just the knowledge had his hand tighten around the glass in typical B grade desire.

His body moved like a graceful version of the wacky waving tube man and all Thor wanted was to hold that balloony form in his arms and make him writhe like that in his bed.

He needed him like plants needed photosynthesis, like humans needed air, like cats needed to be shits, he needed that man with a desperation that surpassed everything he had ever experienced.

So, like a drunk lion, he prowled the dance floor, pushing people away from him till he reached that sweet sexy ring piece and the man attached to it.

His hand shook like an over used vibrator as he reached forward to tap him on the shoulder and he gasped when the man turned. His heart definitely stopped like a writer no longer waiting for inspiration, he saw his muse.

Eyes as green as a swamp, they looked into his own, already aware of what Thor wanted. He could see it like a well kept lighthouse, guiding him forward until he was at his destination – the moist making heaven between the swells of this man’s ass.

There were no words shared between them, they rarely were in real life PWPs, it was all magic and smut and something that reminded both parties of a childhood scent – it was going to be good.

***

There was a battle of tongues, both of them fighting for dominance. There were weapons involved too, as they were, but they were sheathed within their pants and strained as they should in every erotic scenario.

The man he was with was called Loki, green eyed and mystified, like his business card said. He mystified Thor, quite literally because he wore glasses and they had misted during their kisses.

Loki kneed softly, a sound that went right to Thor’s ever increasing erection and made him hold both of Loki’s Falstaffian fanny in both his large yaoi hands.

“Your kisses are so good” Loki moaned “Like strawberries and cherries”

“Like an angel’s kiss in spring?” Thor bit down his elegant neck and shoulders

Loki gasped happily and took his glasses off, tossing them without care behind him in the abyss somewhere. Then he wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck and inhaled his scent. Thor smelled like one baking ingredient, one spice and something very, very Thor.

It drove Loki to sheer lust and he pulled at Thor’s attire, ripping it like paper so it fell off him in beautiful synchronized floats.

“Your body is like a caryatid column, I want to taste you all over”

“I’m feminine?” Thor gasped as Loki bit his shoulder, hanging on to him like a chimpanzee on the last piece of fruit he stole from its rival

“No” Loki panted “made of stone”

“Be mine, then Medusa, it’s all for you”

Loki moaned louder than before, his baritone enough to have Thor lose the last of his self control and carry Loki to the bed in his apartment as though he weighed no more than a dry leaf.

They fell on the bed as one 9.8 unit ball of lust. Thor was on top and Loki under him, buried into the mattress like the most precious of pirate gold.

“Hurry,” Loki panted “Before this PWP gets a plot, I can feel it against me”

“Babe” Thor cooed, brushing his hair back “That’s just my dick”

“Oh, Thor” Loki whimpered, pulling him in to kiss him

They were quick, then. Thor’s hands were everywhere, Loki was not surprised, they were yaoi hands after all, and before he knew it, Thor’s hand was cupping tenting tallywacker and making his entire body shudder as he imagined Thor’s colon cobra slither deep into his anal love cave.

The thought made his trench flaps clench around nothing in anticipation and he scratched Thor’s back.

“Please” he begged “I need your wrecking balls deep in me”

“Worry not, fairness” Thor purred “My love lollipop is all yours for the sucking”

Such filthy words, they made Loki tremble in want.

Thor undressed Loki very quickly after that and watched how Loki’s soon to be turgid fixation station called for him. It was like the long tunnel that had light at the end of it. There was no light here, however, only the promise of un unforgettable night and an avidity fueled few hours spent writhing in each others arms.

Tonight, they would be snakes, on their bellies, mating like there was no tomorrow.

Loki’s hands took the last of Thor’s clothes from him and tossed them away so he could run his hands over him and stroke his purple headed trouser serpent.

From his reaction, Loki knew he was doing good and he called Loki’s name when Loki fondled and played with his nine iron and two special golf balls.

“I want it” Loki gasped “I want your quim dagger in me so much”

“Not a quim dagger” Thor panted “Tonight it’s a bottom baton, your bottom baton”

Loki shivered in arousal and his flagstaff raised higher than before, showing the white flag of his sexual surrender.

He lay back and let Thor take over, mewling and quimming when Thor prepared him and scissored his fingers like an expert heavy duty paper cutter. He knew what he was doing, for sure, Loki was not his first conquest.

His fudge bullet looked delicious but Loki was denied further contemplation over it when Thor pushed into his sperm socket and made him forget all thought.

His master of ceremonies was indeed that, a master. It filled Loki up so well, Loki knew he would never like another man or woman. This was it, Thor was his prime rib steak, the one he could never live without now that he had it.

His thrusts were strong, powerful, making him feel Gumby on steroids. He could be bent every which way and he wanted Thor to do it. Thor was merciless and he pounded his special spray spot over and over, pressing it like that meme button everyone pounded on.

He was high on the rush of pleasure, he was absorbed by the towel of release and he wanted more, he wanted to taste Thor and his apple bottom, that beautiful rear he couldn’t help but sink his nails into. Thor was a god, if there ever was one, one that would end up in a large movie franchise, he wanted to be part of that, part of Thor, his life, he knew this was not a one time thing, it was going to last.

Loki sobbed out nine unintelligible words and half the chorus of a popular love song when he came, his spend sprinkler shooting out enough load to resink the Titanic. He could feel Thor still moving and he lay there like the boneless man good sex made of the protagonist of an erotic story. He knew Thor was going to release soon, he knew the man’s veiny quim prod was going to release the Da Vinci load into his anus rose.

He knew that he would love it.

And he did.

Loki’s voice was high pitched and pleasure when Thor released and fell on him, his incredifish mace was still deep inside him and softening ever so slowly. Thor’s heart thundered above his own, still in his chest, however, and Loki wrapped his arms around Thor’s back, letting him mouth at his neck.

He felt his laughter at his skin before Thor spoke

“You know I will not be happy with just one”

“One is Sorrow” Loki smiled “Two for Joy”

Thor laughed at the reference and kissed him, then lay back so Loki could get on top and ride him like the new Sea Biscuit he really was.

 

 

 


End file.
